This week Indiana authorities charged two men with the murder of 28-year-old Amanda Blackburn. Early on Nov. 10, while Amanda’s husband, Davey (a pastor), was at the gym, intruders entered the Blackburn home and shot Amanda. She was 12-weeks pregnant.
Davey Blackburn has since made the point that he chooses to forgive the killers. Although he feels deep grief and anger, he said “going down the path of bitterness” would “destroy my soul and it will destroy everybody around me… So today, I choose forgiveness, and I pray that tomorrow I can wake up and choose forgiveness by the power of Jesus Christ.” In a joint interview with Davey, Amanda’s father Phil Byars (also a pastor) echoed the commitment to forgive: it is what Jesus taught and demonstrated. We heard similar words from victims’ families after the Charleston church shooting last June.
People have mixed reactions to such radical forgiveness, from admiration to dismay—like “I could never forgive like that” or “Are you excusing the crime?” or “Can you forgive those who don’t repent?”
This raises the question of what forgiveness actually is and isn’t. It isn’t ignoring the gravity of sin against God or criminal actions or relational rupture. It isn’t pretending the offense never happened. It isn’t a promise to trust the offender in the future. And it doesn’t mean there will be no consequences of wrongful actions.
Positively, Christian forgiveness is: no longer holding the offense against a person, but releasing them to God; and choosing to remember the sin no more. Now to clarify, as Stan Gale says in his new booklet, Why Must We Forgive?, this doesn’t mean you forget the sin—there’s no such mental switch we can flip; “forgive and forget” is not a biblical concept and it makes an untenable demand (pp. 16-17).
So then, how do we go about “not remembering”? By following the principle that “whatever we don’t feed will die” (p. 17). If we keep bringing up the offense (to the offender, others, or ourselves) and feeding our bitterness, it will grow and grow and devour us (see Matt 6:14-15). But if we release the person to God, the carnivorous beast of playing God and assigning wrath to sinners will begin to die. And the Lord is able to help us take these steps, even in the darkest days.
